No One's Business
by toriCason
Summary: Basically,this takes place right before Ryan and Kelly's trip to to the Poconos. This is my first fan-fic, I wrote it after watching "The Search"  so spoiler alert if you haven't seen it.Please review if you want me to continue, criticism is appreciated
1. Behind the Camera

"Ryannnn!"

Ryan sighed. He wished that he could make it through one work day, just one, without her screeching his name at the discovery of the latest celeb gossip. He pretended to be busy in hopes that if he ignored her, she would just... vanish. He chuckled to himself when he realized the stupidity in the thought. He has been dreaming of that for 5 years now, it wasn't going to happen. He felt a tap on his shoulder, slowly he turned to face her beautiful, child-like face. She looked like a little girl that saw a dollhouse under the tree on Christmas morning. Oh God, he really hoped this wasn't about buying a dollhouse.

"Ryan, our anniversary is coming up and I know that your not going to do like anything special for me. But I saw this article on Yahoo!, or maybe Cosmo... I don't know but the Poconos were rated one of the most romantic places in Pennsylvania and it would like totally awesome if we could-" She was slurring and twiddling her thumbs, making her nervousness obvious.

He knew where this was going all too well. He took a deep breath and said,

"Kelly, do you want to go to the Poconos this weekend?"

She giggled, "Oh my God, Ryan, this is like so unexpected. Of course I want to go with you! Oh my God, I just ordered the cutest jacket that's like perfect for the mountains from JCrew like... 10 minutes ago. And it's like sooo adorable because it has these sparkles around the collar. Isn't that just crazy, Ryan?"

"Uh huh..." He half-listened to her about what a coincidence all this was and what amenities were in this mountainous region. Funny how when he started "dating" her, he actually listened to what she was saying. Over time, he had developed a useful skill of nodding and agreeing at the appropriate times.

"It's like we have tele-marketers, um, no wait. Tele-empathy? Whatever, we have it. And like, I just saw on Hot-Wire that there's this gorgeous cabin, and you can like rent it for the weekend. And it's only like... $340! Can you believe it, Ryan? You should totally get it before someone else does! Wait, I'll send you the link so you get the right one." Just as she said it he received one new email. Yup, that was a "totally like awesome" cabin, "Would you like to confirm this purchase?" He shut his eyes and clicked "Yes," God, what was he getting himself into?

He could feel a warm breath on the back of his neck, then, suddenly, a pair of moist lips planted on his. He liked her best when she was like this, silent. Just as he thought it, she pulled away and shrieked. "Oh my God Ryan, you already bought it? I knew you would be just as totally psyched about this weekend as I am! When you see what I'm going to wear, you will be... even more psyched. And like..."

"Kelly, I'm taking lunch now."

"Oh, good. I was just thinking about how hungry I was. Told you we have tele-perry? Like seriously Ryan, what is it called?"

"Uhm.. I don't know..."

"Yeah you do, silly! You posted something on Twitter about it and I had to search for it on Wikipedia because your like so much smarter than I am and like..."

"Do you want to go to that new Italian place that you talking about yesterday?"

"It's not Italian it's Brazilian and I was telling you about how awful it was and how I like swore I found a hair in my food but Andy said it was probably just my own and..."

"Whatever Kelly. I'm just going to work through lunch." And he did, but he couldn't help himself from thinking about how this weekend would be a total disaster. He just knew something was up.


	2. In the Poconos

He couldn't deny how beautiful she looked, innocently resting, makeup-less, on his shoulder. It was Friday morning and they both took the day off work so that they could spend as much time as possible in the Poconos. Her light snores made him smile, it wouldn't be long before they arrived and he wasn't looking forward to her waking up for two reasons. One, she would start talking again, and since she watched "What Not to Wear" last night, she would definitely not run out of topics. And two is because, well, she looked sexy sleeping. He felt a trickle of drool bleed through his shirt and he couldn't help but smile and look away. He felt way out of character but hey, he couldn't help it. He began to think, maybe, just maybe, Kelly isn't why he's so eager to get out of Scranton. Maybe, he could date her (without the choiceless feelings) and be happy. Well, as long as they were far away from Dunder Mifflin and it's dark memories of being a temp. He drove over a rocky road with a bounce that made her jolt awake. Her eyes looked glazed over and confused. Like she was processing what was happening. He shined one of his famous toothy grins in her direction, then she began to speak.

"Omigod, Ryan, can you believe that this is where all the newly wed couples go on their honeymoons? Isn't that like TOTALLY awesome?"

All thoughts before of them running away together was completely lost just by the mention of marriage. He considered himself a simple guy. A guy that just needed a beer and an XBox to be happy. A guy that could careless about the tabloids or materialistic things, or marriage. He could feel himself nodding. His unhappiness was painfully obvious, yet this seemed to be oblivious to her.

_'Cause baby your a firework, come-on let your colors bur-'_

Ryan stared at Kelly listening intensively to Katy Perry's newest song. Ryan didn't listen. Pop music definitely wasn't his thing.

As they exited the car Kelly went on and on (and on) about how exquisite it was, or in her words 'how like totally ah-MAY-zing it is' She didn't even let the picturesque scenery subside her constant chatter in order to take a mental picture. Before he knew it, they were stumbling up the stairs (well, she was trying to balance on those unbearably high kitten heels while he was carrying all _four_ of her suit cases plus his duffel bag) to a quaint, yet luxurious, cabin. The receptionist handing out keys seemed nice enough, reminding him of Erin. It's not as if he likes Erin, not at all. Aside from her body, he hates her. Erin is just... weird. Although, he was not opposed to a threesome. He awkwardly suggested it a few times in conversation with Kelly, but she never seemed to catch on. Anyways, they hurried across the parking lot to cabin number 4 (as fast as they could travel under the luggage circumstances.) He could already feel the blood pulsing down his body, sending him adrenaline rushes. As soon as they reached the porch, he dropped all the luggage and pounced on her to enthus a make-out frenzy. A nibble here, a suck there, then she giggled. Not a sensational giggle, more like a humorous laugh.

"What's wrong, Kel?" he heard himself moan, her eyes shifted left and he followed her gaze. There, trying not to stare, was a pregnant woman sitting on her porch, next door. Kelly and Ryan both started laughing simultaneously. _'Am I drunk?'_ he thought,_ 'Perhaps drunk off her love. No, that's corny. Yup, definitely sober.'_ As he regathered their luggage and made their way to the door, they could feel the lady's glare burning through their backs. Seeing her really makes Ryan hope that Kelly isn't skipping out on her birth control pills... again.

As soon as Ryan swung the door open and retrieved the room key from the automatic slot, Kelly ran (literally) into the bathroom and desperately cried out for him to bring her 'the cutesy pink polka-dot suitcase, not the pink with white polka-dots, the white with pink.' He did as she commanded trying avoiding any type of negative behavior that would ruin their weekend. She came out 20 minutes later looking as pulchritudinous and elegant as promised in nothing but her most recent purchase. The JCrew jacket hugged her curves in all the right places, the shade of purple impeccably matched to her bronze skin tone and the sequins along her breast made them look larger, more grabbable.

She climbed up onto his lap and straddled him for a moment before speaking.

"What do you think?" she whispered in a libidinous way while unclasping each snap-on button.

He could only sigh lustfully in response.

* * *

**What do y'all think? Should I continue it or just end it? Does it seem like I dragged on with details? Did it need more details? Any type of feedback would be great. Suggestions would be nice too because, honestly, I have no clue where I am going from here. **


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